A Eulogy for My Best Friend

Melissa was always thoughtful in her writing and I wanted to honor her and do the same. On April 30th,  I lost my dear friend of many years, Melissa. to put it simply she was dope!  She was loving,  and a straight-shooter, something I deeply admired about her. She was a mighty force to be reckoned with. 

Melissa was a gift to the world. She made it better. She fought cancer for the last two years and we became even closer during these final years and I am forever thankful for that time. 

I have all her voicemails, and emails. I  listen to every word with a deep intense sadness.  I love you dearly mama.

Nunca te olvidare.

Because of COVID and travel restrictions from Florida to New York, I wasn't able to attend her services. Her husband, Matt, and daughter Giana knew how deeply I loved her and asked me to write a eulogy that they would read at her funeral.  

Here are my final words to my friend of a lifetime.

I met Melissa in 2003. We had both been struggling to get pregnant and our mutual friend Madeline thought that we needed each other. Since then we have been inseparable.

Even when we both got pregnant and I miscarried, Melissa walked that tough journey with me. Never letting go even when she was put on bed rest and struggled with her own pregnancy she somehow found a way to be there for me.  

That’s why when cancer came her way I knew I would do for her what she did for me... “walk through the valley of the shadow of death” with her.

Mel wasn’t just loved by me, but my entire family from my cousin Helen, Lilly to all my siblings and parents. Her grace and love made her a rockstar in our book.

There are no words...just tears to describe how hard the future will be without her. I still long to talk to her every day. I listen to voicemails she left me and laugh or cry at what she recorded. There’s no doubt  I will simply be lost without her.

Mel has helped me grow as a professional, woman, mother, and friend. When every friend I had let me down Melissa NEVER did. She called bs on haters and she checked me when I was wrong. For that alone, she is my forever my sister. 

 Her authenticity and love were her guiding force and boy was she a force to be reckoned with! Her absence has been felt deep down in my soul.

 Since adopting Jaden, I have thanked God every day for my infertility because it brought me our son. Today, I thank God for my infertility because it brought me to Melissa. ️

I will forever, forever long to be by her side. That will never change. As I recently told your daughter, Giana this is not something we will ever get over. We will just learn to endure it. 

On our last call, Melissa shared how proud she was of me. I wanted to take this moment to share the same. Melissa’s life was far from easy and somehow she found love, built a home, developed a career she could be proud of and raised an intelligent, bold, and beautiful daughter. I am so proud of her for beating the odds! Every day she inspired me...and still does.

And to Melissa, one last thing...As the years come and go without you I want you to know this ...I will be there for Giana. She will sing again and I know you will watch over her day and night. Like you “G” is brave, beautiful, and bold. Giana also has her own magic to give the world and l know you will be there for it all.

You are gone way too soon and I look forward to the day I will see you again. Rest easy my sweet friend. I love you. You fought so well, you inspired so many, you loved so deeply, you lived so loudly, no one that ever knew you can ever forget you, Melissa, I never will.

Enjoy your rest and bask in Glory.

I’ll see you when I get there.

With a broken heart,

I celebrate your life.

Amplifying Afro-Latinx Voices - Modern Immigrant Podcast

Many thanks to @modernimmigrant for this amazing interview. This was the best interview I have had to date. Thank you for all the work that you do to amplify the Afro-Latinx voice. Thank you for telling our stories with integrity, intention +passion! 

Tune in to the podcast entitled Afro-Latinidad as I speak about my journey towards embracing my blackness as an Afro-Dominican, global black solidarity, and ​the different racial narratives that exist outside of the US. I have to admit I got a bit passionate and a little loud and that’s ok! I’m learning that our stories matter and passion is what is required of us now. So here I am vulnerable about my pain, realities and how being the daughter of immigrants taught me to persevere it all.

Amplifying Afro-Latinidad

Amplifying the voices of Afro Latinas and first-generation immigrants. Ligia was born and grew up in the US identifying herself as Dominican and Latina. She never found herself represented on the Latin American media or TV when growing up. In this special episode, you will learn from Ligia's story and experience as an Afro Latina and daughter of immigrants. She shares her journey and process of identifying as black, the racism and struggles that she has dealt with, and what can the US as Latinas do to support the black community and the #BLM movement.

5 Things My Immigrant Parents Taught Me About Leadership

I've always loved the fourth. Growing up meant beaches, BBQ, and bonding with the familia. Now, I am reminded of moments in my life that have taught me what it truly means to live in this country. One of the things I love most about America is its willingness to open its doors to others. 

I love Leviticus 19:33-34, which says, "When a stranger remains with you in your land, you shall not do him wrong. On the contrary, you shall treat the stranger who remains with you as a brother and love him as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God."

My parents immigrated to the US in the late 1960s from the Dominican Republic. My stepfather came to the US from his homeland of Nicaragua when he was a young man. Immigration for my family means something very different than for those who have not experienced it.

That's why the issues of separating children from their parents at the border have many immigrants and their families outraged. Katie Annad wrote an article for Vox Media about the emotional impact this treatment has had on children. When I think of these families, I can't help but think of my parents and all the sacrifices they made for their kids to carve out “una buena vida” (a good life). It is foolish to assume their gift didn't come at a high cost. However, as painful as the price for a good life may have been for our family, their sacrifices brought many lessons that greatly impacted my career and my siblings.

Five ways being the daughter of immigrants helped me grow as a leader:

Papi and I are dreamers! I love him deeply for giving me the gift of creativity.

1. Stay Motivated - Nothing screams motivation more than leaving everything you hold dear to move to a new country, experience language barriers, racial and cultural discrimination, and have opportunities for a better life. I feel fortunate to have been there to see my parents struggle in real ways to achieve their dreams. I am so blessed that I lived every risk they took with them.

   When your parents are immigrants, motivation is the driving force behind what they have risked and given up in exchange for our success. I could never repay my parents for what they gave up, but they have, in turn, become my motivation to continue to grow and develop.

   I believe what influenced me to stay motivated in my career is that my dad taught me to dream and dream big! He taught me that no matter my obstacles, I could reach for the stars and shine brightly. Likewise, my mom taught me the value of bringing excellence to everything I do. Because of her, I have learned to work hard and learn to form my mistakes.

2. Speak Your Truth - Proving yourself to others and defending your actions is another consequence of being an immigrant in a new nation. Often time's, immigrants live their lives on the defense. Regularly having to explain who they are as if they owe others an explanation was frustrating for me to see as a child. I frequently experienced this when mom went to my school demanding that I be given the education that was available and the one I deserved. I learned from this and many other experiences that I witnessed the value of finding my voice. As I grew, it made me work hard to ensure that others less fortunate than me had a voice. Speaking my truth taught me to have empathy for others. That explains why I dedicated my career to the field of social work. I found my voice, and now I make sure others find their voice too.

3. Integrity Builds Connections -

   Immigrants work, and they work hard.

   My mother was always busy. If she wasn't learning English (her native tongue was Spanish), she worked two jobs, attended college, or strengthened ties to her new community by attending church, visiting inmates, or caring for the sick. Did I mention she welcomed immigrants into our home while they began their life here in the US? She made every moment count.

   My stepfather still gets up every morning at 4 a.m. to work managing a parking garage in the city. Is it because he loves it? Not necessarily. He knows he made a promise to his family and his employer. He has always said, "Hay que trabajar (we must work)." This philosophy has stayed with me. Recently, he asked me how my new job was going. As I shared my list of struggles, he listened quietly and said, "Are they still paying you?... Then keep doing good work." He reminded me that at the end of the day, in our career, all we have is our word. Integrity builds trust and can take you far.

4. Pay it Forward - - My parents' story would have been very different without the opportunities others created for them. My mother and Father continued to pay it back their entire lives. I can't tell you the number of relatives and friends that lived with us as they arrived in America. Back then, I didn't understand why I had to give up my room and privacy. Now I know that my parents were doing what was done for them. They both worked in factories, often working 2-3 jobs to bring the rest of their family to this country. It's easy for us to sit on our porch and think, "wow, I made it…or look how far I've come." But, my immigrant parents taught me that you never do this alone. "Remember your people," Mami would say. "Honor those that have helped you by paying it forward. Paying it forward is essential not just for our career but also for our community to thrive. I'm a firm believer that we all need to support each other. We need to make time for coffee, lunch, and networking with those coming up and holding our hands along the way. When was the last time you took your mentor out to Café?

5. Be True to Yourself - I didn't always appreciate it when my parents were being unapologetically themselves. Like when I saw my stepfather iron his work uniform with such pride. He never pretended to be anyone other than who he was. And, almost to a fault, he is a truth-teller. My parents (on both sides) are known as people who are respected, honest, and trustworthy. This is because they are and have always been faithful to themselves.

   Being true to yourself is critical for business leaders as well. You need to establish trust if you want people to buy into your vision and support your team. I learned from my parents that I'm much more relatable and trustworthy if I bring my authentic self to work. Being genuine in the workplace helps to establish strong ties that can last a lifetime. As a leader, I want to be approachable, share my interests, and develop my team. When mistakes are made, I keep it real and give grace. The best way of building rapport is to be transparent and genuine.

Being true to yourself is critical for business leaders as well. You must establish trust if you want people to buy into your vision and support your team. I learned from my parents that I'm much more relatable and trustworthy if I bring my authentic self to work. Being genuine in the workplace helps to establish strong ties that can last a lifetime.  As a leader, I want to be approachable, share my interests, and develop my team.  When mistakes are made, I keep it real and give grace. The best way of building rapport is to be transparent and genuine.

My parents may not be seen as great leaders to many, but they are. Because of them, I have grown into the woman you see today. As we raise our son, I hope to pass down the importance of staying motivated, speaking his truth, having Integrity while paying it forward, and being true to himself. If he can learn those values, he will be doing just fine.