I have a wild idea…
What if we, women of color, stopped pushing for a seat at the table? What if we were done with stepping into fabled places that yield zero returns? What if we stopped reaching for positions that don’t meet the needs of the many?
Honestly, I have long dreamt of sitting at that table. I think Lin-Manual Miranda says it best “I want to be in the room where it happens.” What if that room has destroyed more lives than it has given grace?
When I was told I would never graduate from High School or thrive in College by my guidance counselor I was determined to get a seat at that table. I longed to be at the table where changes, councils, and coalitions were formed. What could I do with a seat that many that look like me never get access to? I was determined to show them all!
For ten years that’s exactly what I strived for and achieved. Here’s why I had to reassess my career after ten years. If my drive was totally focused on proving people wrong and finally “making it” I have failed at two things: 1. Stepping into my calling and 2. Being authentic.
Diverted Calling
The table has very little room for callings. I believe our calling is critical to our life on this Earth. Without fully understanding what we are here for we will always miss the mark, the people, and the position we were intended to step into. Therefore, a seat at the table is not for me. My calling has required that I step out of my comfort zone and into the pain of others. I believe the world needs who you were made to be, not who others tell you you should be.
Authentic
The table became gatekeepers. Gatekeepers of whatever they believe to be true and authentic and it has even ruled nations, churches, and families for far too long. They have the same talking points, issuing the same ideas on repeat. There is no room for difference. There is no room for a table shaking unbothered Afro-Latinas like me to make real change. I would be living a lie. I was living a lie. Making myself small and conforming. My walk became more about fitting in than speaking about my losses, my pain, my real life.
You see, at the table they read the same blogs, go to the same church, believe all children should be raised in the same way, all women should be quiet, not teach, and not lead beyond leading her children. They vilify and mock those that don’t walk like them and decide who is holy, and who is not. A seat at the table would cost me too much.
I am basic. The table has no room for basic. What does basic mean anyway? It is the “forming an essential foundation or starting point; it’s fundamental.” What’s wrong with that? Our culture has no room for basic demanding we should be polished, always poised, and pretty with zero effort. Sorry but that’s not me.
I am basic and that’s the real me. Anything else you see in me or my feed is living out my calling. It’s been hard but worth it. Culture says being basic is an unfulfilled way to live. I say basic allowed me to establish a foundation that later allowed me to grow in my calling. Not perfect but steady establishing and growing something that would have an impact.
I am not religious. You see, religion has failed me. Or better yet, I failed at religion because it often taught me that I could be good enough. Personally, I believe this is a major requirement of being at the table. Members read the same blogs, spouts the same talking points often quoting each other and vilifying the misfits, the rebels, unrestrained grace givers, and the courageously vulnerable table flippers. This vilifying is what religion has done for centuries. It’s also the very thing Jesus came to dismantle and defund.
Beyond Conformity
The table is dominating, loud, abrasive and abusive but, I want to be with the rebels loving across color lines, destabilizing the system, rebuilding a basic world where people can love freely, embrace their calling, push back on religion and authentically share our broken stories to help others feel not so alone. I want to show the world, Jesus.
Romans 12:2 says it perfectly “Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." I pray for unity beyond conformity. I will stand for those basic, unbothered, and audaciously outspoken women. How about you?