⁣ “What is your take on the future of transracial adoption?”⁣ That was one of the questions asked as I chatted it up with my new friends over at @theadoptionconnection last week.

I have spoken at many conferences and been a guest on several podcasts but I’ve never been asked this question.

That’s a super complicated question with an even more complicated answer. Transracial adoption is defined as “the joining of racially different parents and children together in adoptive families” (Silverman, 1993, p. 104). It is considered the most visible of all forms of adoption because the physical differences between adoptive parents and adoptees are more apparent and immutable (Grotevant, Dunbar, Kohler, & Esau, 2000).

Adoption Professional

I’ve been an adoption professional for close to sixteen years now. I have been everything from an adoption social worker, to a post-adoption/ reunification coach and now director of adoption. Here’s what I have learned along the way. As an adoption professional, we need to do better with supporting parents in reunification. I know what you are thinking, why are we talking about reunification?

Having been in child welfare for most of my career I came to realize that until we help families reduce their risk and increase their resiliency, children will remain in foster care. I would hope that ultimately we celebrate reunification as a system of care. ⁣

I also know transracial adoptive parents need to be better prepared, trained, and supported. That is why I am a huge fan of post-adoption services. ⁣

We as adoption professionals also need to work with families to address the cultural + racial needs of their children. I think for a long time we focused on hair and skin and stopped there. We didn’t talk about language, black culture, systemic racism, or the impact it has on children overall. When we as professionals leave families with very little information, we create gaps in parenting that often times are critical to survival, self-esteem, and belonging.

We can’t stop at hair and skin and not talk about interactions with the police, how our community and churches love and accept our family, or where our children go to school.

Adoptive Parents need to…

Adoptive parents, like me, need to make tough decisions about what our children need. For some, it’s making room for hard conversations for others it’s relocation.

For my husband and me, it was both. We knew it was necessary for our son to have teachers + friends that look like him. We wanted a diverse community for him to grow and thrive in. That meant selling our home, taking on new jobs, and moving 4 states away near a major city.⁣

That may not be the best decision for you and your family but it was absolutely necessary for our family. He now sees himself in his teachers and community.

⁣Adoptive parents also need to follow up on their love with ACTION. That means that openness in adoption (when safe) is critical. The one thing that rings true is that doing this will require that we as parents make space for uncomfortable conversations about race + adoption. ⁣We can’t rely on our children to hold on to their black culture while we talk about being “color blind.” We must see our children’s color and educate ourselves on what they need to thrive.

I encourage all adoptive parents to reflect on the following questions: Who comes to your home? Do you have friends that look like your child? ⁣ ⁣When was the last time you talked about race with your adopted child or your family? Do you challenge anti-racist comments from friends, coworkers, and family?

Can Transracial Adoptive Families Thrive?

In the end, I do believe that modern adoptive transracial families can thrive. However, it will take lots of intentionality from the adoptive parent and reform from policymakers and professionals that is guided by research and the voices of adoptees, first families, and adoptive parents.

How do I know?

Because after many years of learning, loving, openness and sacrificing, we continue to thrive as a family. ⁣We still have a long way to go but are forever learning because our son deserves it. ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣