I love photography. I love to write. I think that’s why when Instagram first hit the scene I was hooked. Instagram is a great place for me to share beautiful imagery and words that people could relate to.
I especially love IG because it is a wonderful and convenient way for me to connect with my family that is far away. Over time, IG became a way for me to not just be heard and validated by every like but to connect. That need to be validated and heard quenched my thirst. The more likes the more I felt that the ”world” got me. The reality is the whole world doesn’t have to “get me.”
I crafted a beautiful image with clever language to suit but that was not the truth. The truth was that I felt lost, struggling to keep up and had very little focus on what really mattered to me. At times I felt like an oversharing fraud. Somehow, I became this photoshopped ideal version of myself. That was me and I knew it.
Did the real me vanish somehow? How did I become a human highlight reel rather than just me? Did I become unreachable? I didn’t really know the answer to those questions which led me to the only decision left…Take a break from social media.
I finally got to the reality that I had a deep desire to reconnect with…myself. I wanted to be closer to those around me. You know the people I am doing life with. In my recent post, “The One Thing 2020 has already Taught Me” I shared that my deepest desire for during 2020 was to be present. If I’m being honest, social media always interrupted that.
I entered this break out of necessity. You see, I used social media often and have become accustomed to this new way of capturing our lives — one steeped in perfection and extrinsic validation.
I want to truly project authenticity. I wondered what story I was telling the world about myself. “That I am a perfect adoptive parent, in the happiest marriage in the world, who has all her dreams met?” Real talk… I am not a perfect adoptive parent. I screw up often if not daily. I struggle with connecting with my son’s birth mother and no it’s not easy. I do it because it’s the right thing for my kid. It doesn’t mean that I don’t get nervous when we chat or when we get to meet up with her. I always do! My marriage is beautiful and it has been TOUGH and that is ok! And my career is not glamorous but rather incredibly difficult. My work consists of sitting in the most difficult, dark, heartbreaking losses in the lives of children and families and helping them navigate that loss daily. Social workers don’t have the luxury of not taking “work” home with them. My role, position and status came with many late nights, lots of court hearings and not enough time in the day to meet all the needs of everyone that is hurting. This is my real life and my hope is that those I connect with can see through my feed and realize those are just he highlights of the life I live.
What have I learned on this break?
No one can ever really know the 24-hour, underneath-the-skin version of me. Yet the constant wall of content that’s meant to bring me closer to others makes me more distant and I don’t want that.
There is freedom and joy in missing out. My only life goals are to see the sun often and drink my latte while its hot. And to love the people God has given me well. Somehow the world often tries to distract me from the very things that bring me great joy.
I love to write. My writing is how I pass the time, and it’s part of how I connect on a deeper level with people. I am keenly aware that my words will live on long after I’ve gone, because the Internet will. I want it to mean something to my son, my husband and those I get to do life with. This break is making me stop and take time to reflect and document this crazy journey called life that I’m on.
Become secure in myself and my connections. I’ve already noticed myself refining deeper relationships with the people I love. I am learning who my soon to be a high schooler wants out of life! I‘m being more intentional about connecting in person/FaceTime with those I love. I’m especially enjoying calls with Melissa as she battles cancer. I feel present and that matters more to me now than ever before.
This break has transported me to a time before instant gratification. To a time when we didn’t take 30 pictures in anticipation of picking the perfect shot. To a time that is much more present. Its made me reflect on the importance we place on immediacy in today’s culture and the habitual desire to capture our ‘best’ selves. This isn’t real life. This break reminded me that it’s actually the small, non-filtered moments that make up our ‘best’ self.”
The other day I was talking to my sister about all the cool things I am learning on my break. One of the best things I’ve done is that I am reading and writing more! My dear friend Mariana told me to read the book “The Joy of Missing Out” by Tony Dalton. This book couldn’t have come at a better time in my life. In it Tonya gives us permission to do less in a world that continually tells us to do more.
In the book Tonya writes “We have to stop the glorification of busy. We need to change our mindset and redefine what it means to be productive. Productivity is not about doing more, it’s doing what’s most important. We need to stop trying to get more done and instead reset our focus on our own priorities.
When we do that, our ideal lives can become our real, everyday lives.”
Social media distracted me from being productive and I want to be productive in the things that matter most to me. This break allowed me to shift my priorities and realize what matters most.
Am I off of social media for good? Nope.
I’ll be back on eventually (maybe), and by the very nature of what I do I can’t deactivate my accounts completely, but I promise my social media footprint will not become my legacy — my relationships with people will.
What I know now is that I don’t need to always be crafty, stimulating, liked, revered, admired, seen or even heard. I can simply be me, off the grid, and secure. Sharing more by posting less. Being a body instead of a brand.